you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
