Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
They have beer where we have blood.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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