why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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