Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
