How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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