just come out here and I will go home with you...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
