He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
