the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
