I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
