He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
