ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
