he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Drake has all the answers
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
