I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
