last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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