I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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