i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
