Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
