I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Randomize
