I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
