there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
