last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
