for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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