I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
