Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
