and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
