rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
They are going to name an STD after you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
