i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Farmville is her only friend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
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Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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