I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
