I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
