This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
