Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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