What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
