so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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