We need to rekindle our bromance
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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