we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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