woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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