If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
