Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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