He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize