yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
