My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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