I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
