I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
