I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
