Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
