I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
