u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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