Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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