I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
