New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
