i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
