I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
