the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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