i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
