I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
organizing the empties. That sober.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
