dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
