and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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