it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Randomize
