Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
