I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
