After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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