Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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