I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
accomplished twins. life is a go
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
