considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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