I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
